In 2010 I will:

Happy New Year, everyone!

A couple of resolutions you guys can help keep me honest about:

1. Try at least one new recipe a month. I tried this before last year with the Healthy Recipe (and slacked off, quite honestly) and I liked doing it. Plus, I got like, no lie -- a million (okay, like 7) cookbooks for Christmas this year and I'm dying to try some new recipes from them. They won't all be healthy, but they will be tasty, I'm sure. Just for Christmas alone, I made baked macaroni and cheese and candied yams with pecans that I pretty much love. They have like a whole stick of butter in each of them, but they are SOOO good. So I can't commit to only cooking healthfully, but I can commit to cooking food that seems interesting and looks like it will be tasty to me. And I'll share the successful recipes with you, dear readers.
2. Take pictures to document life and stretch my creative muscles. I took some pics for my photography class last year, and honestly, I can say that I miss doing that since my class ended. I am going to give myself some assignments and post some of the results on this blog (and/or my professional blog) to keep me honest and give me a creative outlet. I may also just include more snapshots that I take on a general basis.
3. Find an organization to volunteer with and do so, regularly. Can either be one organization with a long term commitment, or various organizations with one time commitments.
   
4. Eat out at new restaurants. Use this time to try different cuisines and experiment. Setta B. said she would help me with this when I come visit her in NYC. YAY! I don't want to put a time restriction on this one because it is a recession and I'm saving up for grad school, so I can't afford to just eat out all the time.
   
5. Exercise! I'd like to restart running so that I can run in the summer. And I should also look into taking a class at a gym to combat my boredom and general dislike of routine workout equipment.
6. Sit up straight. This is a recurring problem for me. I've started today thinking of myself as a descendant of a tree. So whenever I catch myself slouching, I imagine that I'm a tree to remind me to sit up straight. You don't see slouched trees too often. Not a perfect system, but it's at least getting me thinking about it. So if you see me in real life, and you notice me slouching, "tell me to be the tree" -- or just tell me to stop slouching.
   

Here's to a better me in 2010!

Goals of 2009: A Report Card

Still reeling from the holidays and slightly sluggish at work, it's time to check in on the progress I made on the goals I set about this time last year. Let's see how I did:

1. Forgive my father and deal with the issues I've developed with relationships in general because of my relationship with him so that I can stop hurting. F. Honestly, I haven't tried to work on this so I guess it's a failure.
2. Begin yoga/Pilates/stretching 2-3 times a week to alleviate back pain and increase flexibility, strength. D. Spotty success. I was better about doing it once or so a week while I was training, or if I had back pain, but nothing on a consistent basis. I need to do this to alleviate my back pain.
3. Do 15 -30 minutes of cardio at least once a week; work up to two (or three) times a week by July. B-. Spotty success. I did two 5 K road races this year, so while I was training, I was on top of my cardio. But afterwards, I dropped off significantly. And when the weather turned cold, I gave up entirely. I got on a kick a few times and hit the gym for a week or two straight, but then my interest wained again. I plan to restart running before the new year (consistency is the key to avoiding knee injuries from running) because I'd like to be able to run in the summer. And I'm going to look into taking a class at a gym to combat my boredom with routine workout equipment.
4. Sit up straight. C. Eh. Better at it, but my sister still threatened that I would have a slouch back when I got older if I didn't sit up straight while I was at her house over Christmas.
   
5. Set up a monthly budget cutting out unnecessary expenses and stick to it. A-. I didn't set up a budget, but I did cut out a lot of spending. I still eat lunch out too much, but I tried to keep it at a minimum.
   
6. Set up and begin a payment plan to pay off all credit cards and other debt by July 2010. A+. DONE! I've dipped into it a few times (like for my trip to Spain) but I immediately reimbursed the funds or set up a payment plan to do so.
   
7. Set up another savings account so that I can have three: emergency (3-6 months salary); a life happens fund (for unexpected expenses) and a vacation fund. A. DONE! Instead of it being a vacation fund, I turned my third savings account into my graduate school account and set up weekly deductions from my bank account. It has grown well, but as a result of the additional drain on my paycheck, my other two savings account are pretty much empty. Trying to rectify that.
8. Increase savings contributions to E-trade to finance trip to Spain in fall. Devote tax returns to building up savings reserves and contributing to vacation fund. A+. I did end up using the E-trade (and my checking) to finance Spain, but I've made arrangements to re-up that money. Should be done by the middle of January. Unsure what to do with my tax returns for this year -- grad school or general savings? But definitely it's going in the bank.
9. Do something every month to pamper myself. Get a mani/pedi. Get my hair done. Get a massage. Take a long bath. Buy myself something nice. B-. Failing more at this. I've done some things and it was much easier in the summer to do these types of things. But some of the things I did were: mani/pedis, hair appointments (it's pretty healthy now!), the trip to Spain, visits to my sister in NYC, bubble baths.
   
10. Try out a new healthy recipe at least once a month. Build up my repetoire to include more than fried foods and fatty sauces. C-. Alas, a failure. I started off strong, but fell off at some point. I think I'm up to 9 now and there are only a few more days left in the year. I think my other problem was that I tried some recipies, but they weren't necessarily healthy. Seeking to rectify that in 2010.
    
11. Eat out at a new restaurant at least once a month. Use this time to try different cuisines and experiment. D+. Marginal success. I've tried some new things, mostly at the begining of the year, but in the second half, I reverted back to my old standbys (P.F. Chang's anyone?). I'd like to change this in 2010 as well.
    
12. Read. Whatever I want. Magazines. Books. Whatever. Just read. A-. SUCCESS! I got subscriptions to two magazines -- Women's Health and In Style, and I read a boatload of books, including: The Namesake, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Drown, The Time Traveler's Wife, Olive Kitteridge,
13. Go see "Raisin in the Sun" at Trinity Jan. 30 - March 30. Go see a show on Broadway with Setta B. A+. DONE and DONE. Setta B. and I went to go see Phantom of the Opera and it was fantastic. We plan to see another play in the next two months as well.
14. Keep clips up and network; send update mailings to potential employees two times a year (March and September, maybe?) C+. Marginal fail. I didn't do updated mailings, but I networked well at the NABJ conference in August. I plan on sending out updated packets this spring/summer before I begin graduate school so people can be on the lookout for me.
15. Write something that makes me proud, whether it wins any award or not. A. SUCCESS. I can't point to a particular story, but I think my court coverage has been pretty solid this year. I definitely see areas where I'd like to improve, but overall, I think I've done pretty well for myself as a reporter this year. I may not win an award (I didn't have any sexy stories) but I'm proud of my work.
16. Find an organization to volunteer with and do so, regularly. Can either be one organization with a long term commitment, or various organizations with one time commitments F-. EPIC FAIL. I tried volunteering with a sorority, but got the brush off. Then I lost motivation to find another place. I want to change that in 2010.
    
17. Go on dates with the BF that (sometimes) require more than just driving to Boston and cooking food. C-. Not sure how I document this. We've done some stuff -- Maxwell concert, comedy show -- that were cool. And we go to the movies a lot. But nothing necessarily off of the beaten path. I'll try to work on that more.
18. Take pictures to document life and stretch my creative muscles. B+. Marginal success, again. I took a photography class this fall at the Rhode Island School of Design which I loved. I was able to take portrait, landscape, indepth and self-portrait shots and I think I did pretty well. I also took a ton of pictures in Spain. I'm a little dismayed at my lack of a camera, but it's not a priority for me at this juncture. I have graduate school to pay for. I just need to start using my point and shoot more often.
19. Start doing crosswords to exercise my mind. B+. DONE. Not on a regular basis, but I bought a NY Times Crossword puzzle book and I do it periodically. The BF and I also do crosswords together on Yahoo every so often.
20. Be present at all times. Start each day as if it were on purpose, not an accident. A-. I feel like I've done a pretty decent job with this. I've tried to be more cheerful and appreciative of the things I'm doing, but I'll admit I still like to zone out once in a while. Again, something I plan to work on this year.
    

So, based on my crude math, I got a C+. Funny, I don't feel like I had a C+ year. Maybe the things that I thought were important to me at the beginning of the year, turned out to not be so important. Guess that goes to show you what the critics always knew: grades don't mean much.

On Self Esteem

From the father of a friend of mine:

"You gotta be able to say 'I like me. And if you don't like me, f*ck you, 'cause I like me.'"

I heard that.

It's July -- Time to Take Stock

The year is half gone so I figured now is a good time to check in on how I'm doing with my goals I set for myself at the beginning of the new year.

1. Forgive my father and deal with the issues I've developed with relationships in general because of my relationship with him so that I can stop hurting. . Seriously, I haven't thought about this much. I'm kinda starting to think that while I'm sure the relationship affected me, that he doesn't really have anything to do with how I act in relationships now. Those actions are things that I control. I may revisit this later, but right now, I'm not compelled to.
   
2. Begin yoga/Pilates/stretching 2-3 times a week to alleviate back pain and increase flexibility, strength. Man. I don't know why I stopped this. When I was doing this (during my training for the 5K) I had less back pain and my posture was on point. My back hurts as I type this. I need to get back on this.
   
3. Do 15 -30 minutes of cardio at least once a week; work up to two (or three) times a week by July. So, about that. As you know, I ran a 5K in May, so I did cardio regularly -- about 2-3 times a week. I'm also running another race on July 19, which I've been running about 2 times a week for on good weeks. I'm not up to my goal yet, but that's something to strive for.
   
4. Sit up straight. Doing better. I was doing great with it when I was regularly doing yoga, starting to slack more now. I need to get back on it.
   
5. Set up a monthly budget cutting out unnecessary expenses and stick to it. Eh. Not a strict budget, although I have been putting more money into my savings account and striving to pack my lunch, vs. buying it daily.
   
6. Set up and begin a payment plan to pay off all credit cards and other debt by July 2010. Done. I'll be (credit card) debt free by Spring 2010
   
7. Set up another savings account so that I can have three: emergency (3-6 months salary); a life happens fund (for unexpected expenses) and a vacation fund. Done. I opened an E-Trade account a few months ago to get better returns
   
8. Increase savings contributions to E-trade to finance trip to Spain in fall. Devote tax returns to building up savings reserves and contributing to vacation fund. I did increase my contributions to the E-trade account, but it won't be to finance my Spain trip. Instead, that's the account I'll be using to save up money for grad school in 2010 -- I told ya'll I got in, right?
   
9. Do something every month to pamper myself. Get a mani/pedi. Get my hair done. Get a massage. Take a long bath. Buy myself something nice. I'm slacking on this, but I have started making regular appointments with a hair dresser and got a mani/pedi a few weeks ago that was fantastic.
   
10. Try out a new healthy recipe at least once a month. Build up my repetoire to include more than fried foods and fatty sauces. I'm a little behind, but I've got 5 Healthy Recipes up so far. So I'm two behind. I'll make it up though!
    
11. Eat out at a new restaurant at least once a month. Use this time to try different cuisines and experiment. Not doing so great at this. I need to look around and find some places I want to go.
    
12. Read. Whatever I want. Magazines. Books. Whatever. Just read. Yes! I just finished the Brief and Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao, and I just ordered subscriptions to Women's Health and InStyle Magazine. I'm excited!
    
13. Go see "Raisin in the Sun" at Trinity Jan. 30 - March 30. Go see a show on Broadway with Setta B. I did go see Raisin in the Sun! It was pretty good. I'd never seen it before, so I was pleasantly surprised. I still need to find a show to go see with Setta on Broadway. Sis, if you're reading, let me know if you hear of a good show!
    
14. Keep clips up and network; send update mailings to potential employees two times a year (March and September, maybe?) I'll have to put some clips together for the NABJ convention in August. That will likely count as my mailing for the fall. I'll do another in the Spring, before I go to grad school.
    
15. Write something that makes me proud, whether it wins any award or not. I've been pretty proud of some of the trial coverage I've done so far, but I'd like to do a big project or something intensive that I'm also proud of as well.
    
16. Find an organization to volunteer with and do so, regularly. Can either be one organization with a long term commitment, or various organizations with one time commitments Still haven't found anything, but honestly, haven't looked very hard after getting discouraged earlier this year.
    
17. Go on dates with the BF that (sometimes) require more than just driving to Boston and cooking food. We've done movies, bowling, amusement parks, small gatherings and even an art show or two. Not a complete success because I could be doing more, but it's a start.
    
18. Take pictures to document life and stretch my creative muscles. Epic fail. I've been forgetting to document big things - like events -- in my life, let alone just the regular mundane things. I'll strive to do better with this.
    
19. Start doing crosswords to exercise my mind. Sporadically.
20. Be present at all times. Start each day as if it were on purpose, not an accident. Getting better at it, day by day.

Never Can Say Goodbye

I didn't even notice the gloves.

I'm halfway watching the memorial to Michael Jackson, who died a week and a half ago as he was preparing to launch his comeback/retirement tour. And I just got a glimpse of his brothers, who were the pallbearers, all wearing MJ's signature sparkly glove on one hand.

In the time since his death, it's been wall to wall coverage of Mike, a lot of it good, fitting, loving tributes to a man who had such an impact on so many people and to music as we know it. I remember the night he died, I had to run back to the newsroom to get by badge. A copy editor remarked that it was hard to imagine what music will be like without him.

"He's the king," I said. "Music is the way it is because of him."

The copy editor agreed (and added James Brown, which I concurred with) and we went about our way.

I'm not going to wax poetic about Mike. I thought he was great and enjoyed his music, a realization I came to only after his death. As radio stations and televisions played his songs in constant rotation, I found myself unable to control my dancing. My joy. Controversial, troubled or not, MJ was a genius who brought so much fun to his music. And you felt it with every beat.

This wasn't what I planned to write about today, but I can't think of anything else. I sit across from the TV in the newsroom and I feel like my eyes have been glued to the screen (with barely no sound) all afternoon.

Just kinda wish this all wasn't happening.

We Had Him

Beloveds, now we know that we know nothing, now that our bright and shining star can slip away from our fingertips like a puff of summer wind.
Without notice, our dear love can escape our doting embrace. Sing our songs among the stars and walk our dances across the face of the moon.
In the instant that Michael is gone, we know nothing. No clocks can tell time. No oceans can rush our tides with the abrupt absence of our treasure.
Though we are many, each of us is achingly alone, piercingly alone.
Only when we confess our confusion can we remember that he was a gift to us and we did have him.
He came to us from the creator, trailing creativity in abundance.
Despite the anguish, his life was sheathed in mother love, family love, and survived and did more than that.
He thrived with passion and compassion, humor and style. We had him whether we know who he was or did not know, he was ours and we were his.
We had him, beautiful, delighting our eyes.
His hat, aslant over his brow, and took a pose on his toes for all of us.
And we laughed and stomped our feet for him.
We were enchanted with his passion because he held nothing. He gave us all he had been given.
Today in Tokyo, beneath the Eiffel Tower, in Ghana's Black Star Square.
In Johannesburg and Pittsburgh, in Birmingham, Alabama, and Birmingham, England
We are missing Michael.
But we do know we had him, and we are the world.
- Maya Angelou

This is it?

So, I promptly ended my Facebook fast about 17 minutes ago.

It was pretty anticlimactic, I have to say.

I never believed I was an addict, but I did frequently check Facebook and Twitter to pass the time at work. Then my sister issued her challenge. And I realized they are all just serious time wasters and not as interesting as I originally thought.

In the days when Facebook was forbidden, I longed really, to just post my pictures from the Cancer race and receive the accolades that I'm sure would pour in on account of my accomplishments. In its absence, I turned to my blog to post about my triumph. I Google chatted with friends and basically just told them what was up. That was cool.

But when I logged on today, first I wasn't about to take the time to post my pictures (I'm on the clock, afterall). So I cleared out my inbox and checked my friend requests. Some parties in Atlanta and Virginia that I'm not going to. One person wrote on my wall. I was tagged in two pictures. Not super exciting stuff.

I gotta say I was disappointed. I think my hiatus from Facebook made me think it was so much more than it really was. And now that I see it for what it is, it's just kinda like a letdown.

All that to say, I'll be back on Facebook probably this afternoon, checking up on friends, posting pictures and possibly playing WordTwist. It's a time waster, but hey, I like it.

My name is T-Dot and I'm a Social Network addict

So, I'm on a social network fast. Unfortunately, it's not by choice.

While I was at the cancer walk this weekend, I was talking to my sister who claimed I was a social network addict, thanks to a handy dandy quiz she'd just seen on the local news.

How often did I check Twitter, Facebook or LinkedIn? The first two, usually two or three times a day, the latter, when I get an update.

There were a few other questions, but I forget them. Either way she told me I was addicted. I told her I could stop anytime I wanted to. She held me to it.

So, from Sunday, May 3 to midnight on Friday, May 8, I am not allowed to Tweet, check Facebook, write on walls, or otherwise engage in social networking.

It was fine earlier this week because I didn't really have Internet access. But today was my first day at work and my normal routine is to check Facebook or Twitter while I wait for people to return calls. And I've got those pictures from the weekend burning a hole in my camera. I need to post them to Facebook. How else will people know what I've done?

What's worse is that it seems to be everywhere I turn. Veronica's mentioning a magic post on Facebook. I'm doing a story about how Twittering, Facebook and blogs are changing the way judges instruct juries in an effort to curb mistrials. Plus, I want to update my statuses so I can get people to say congrats to me for running my race. By Thursday, no one will care.

Anyway, so I write this post, instead of checking Facebook, or Tweeting, or writing my story, to say that I'm going through withdrawal. Got. To. Stay. Strong.

Baby steps

I did my first run outside. On concrete. In a neighborhood.

Real life is no joke.

I've been running on a treadmill and I kept hearing people say that treadmill miles don't translate into real world mileage. I figured I'd lose a little bit, but man, as I jumped over uneven sidewalks and dodged unruly trees, I felt as though I was almost back at square 1.

Almost.

With that being said, I'll say this: I'm a punk. When I started to get uncomfortable, I'd ask the BF to stop (he offered to run with me, even though he only had his Vans -- how nice is that?). He'd oblige. He did make me run the last few blocks back to my house nonstop though. Kept saying, 'come on, just a little further' when I started to slow down. I wanted to tell him I wasn't going to stop, but the quick pace we'd been keeping needed to come down a notch if I wasn't going to collapse on my doorstep. Then he raced me to my front door. I lost.

So yeah, I think I've decided that if I have the chance to run outside versus doing a few hours in the gym, I'm going to choose to run outside. I didn't hurt as much, and I'm not going to be pumping weights come May 2. I'm going to be running in Central Park/Times Square. Oh goodness. What did I sign up for?

Since I've been gone

A few things, since I haven't updated in forever:

I didn't get my hair done. Loser, right? I was in the middle of covering a murder trial and I wasn't committed to paying for someone to do my hair for the Follies.

So I did it myself instead.

It's not the same style. I originally did two strand twists with the intent to do a twist out the night of the show (an old standby from Follies past). But then, I twisted up a few of the twists and realized it looked pretty cute as it was. So I left it. Here it is:

I'll post a better picture a little lower.

So anyway, the Follies were a hit. The show went off pretty well and I only forgot a few of my words -- That's a success in my eyes.

I didn't get mentioned, but the Phoenix gave us a pretty good review. Overall, we've been getting a lot of good feedback about the show. I wasn't in that many numbers -- I think three, not counting the opener and closer, so it was a low key night for me. Which was actually good because I wasn't completely exhausted as I have been in previous years where I'm on stage constantly. This year, I played Sasha Obama with another coworker and sung a song about how cute we Obama girls are, I was in a song about the layoffs at my newspaper, and I was in a song about Steve Alves - a former senator in West Warwick who was ousted by a baker. Good times indeed.

In other news, the BF went with me to the show. I fought him on the outfit (which was his idea) but we turned out to be "the best dressed couple in Swansea." I'll take it. He was excited about the Urkel glasses. I was skeptical at first, but they turned out to be a nice addition.

After the show, we went out to a local bar and hung out with some of my coworkers and the other folks who went to the show. Then we went to my coworker's house and played Rockband until like, 3:30, 4 a.m. It was ridiculous. A good night though. A really good night.

At work, things have been kinda rocky -- no pun intended. We laid off an additional 100 people, including two of my favorite office assistants ever in life. They were my friends -- one even my "adopted mom" who always looked out for me when I first came to the Journal and was assigned to her bureau. I didn't get a chance to say goodby because I've been working on a murder trial and was out of the office most days. After they got the news, thankfully the company didn't make them continue to work - like they did the last round of layoffs we had. So when I came in to joke with one of them, their desks were cleared out. Good for them, sad for me. I'm going to get some cards and write nice notes to them and send them to them, because I honestly don't know if I'll see them again. Which is pretty sad.

The good note is that, as I mentioned, I've been covering a murder trial the last few weeks. You know I LOVE trials right? You do. Anyway, I think I've been writing some really good stories -- I even got front page two days in a row. Yesterday, I was the front page centerpiece! How cool is that? Wanna read my stuff? Here's some of it. You can also google me. I got hits, yo.

Bishop tells his story

Alfred "Freddie" Bishop guilty in 2007 murder

Brother of slaying victim tells of fatal struggle with intruder in Warwick home

And I was a freaking blog superstar all during the trial. I was calling in updates, e-mailing posts and just all around being a "blog-centered" superstar. I rock. Hard.

Anyway, um, other than that, things have been cool. I'm completely slacking on my exercise, which I fully plan to get back on this weekend. I've just been pooped lately. But I gotta start running again or I'll never be ready for this 5K. Oh, and just in case you haven't already, there's still time to donate!

It's getting kinda hectic

A few things, randomly:

• I just filed my taxes!
• I filed them so early because I wanted my return, but mostly because I needed to file my FASFA. I would have filed them sooner if I'd gotten all of my documents a little earlier.
  
• I'm scared out of my mind of applying to school.
• Oh yeah, I'm applying to school. There are two really cool Master's programs I'm applying for. One at Yale and another at Georgetown.
  
• I'd planned to apply for the 2010 school year, but the state of the economy and pending layoffs at my job made me want to, at least, apply so I'd be in the position to turn it down if necessary.
• I made this decision on Monday. One of the applications is due Feb. 15.
  
• Three other people in my department have to be laid off before I lose my job. The company wants to lose 500 positions throughout the entire company (across a number of newspapers)
  
• I'll be writing my essay this weekend.
• I'm not so much worried about getting accepted, but rather paying for it all.
  
• I'm debating what I want to do with my return -- pay down my credit card debt, pay some on my credit debt and put the rest into savings, or put it all into savings
• I've knocked off some of my goals for this year, well, at least one. I got to go see Raisin in the Sun yesterday -- for free -- because a friend of mine works at the theatre.
• I'd never seen Raisin in the Sun or read the play.
  
• I've bought "The Little Black and White book of Crosswords" -- it's a collection of NYTimes crosswords of increasing difficulty.
  
• I've yet to do one without looking -- at least once -- at the answers in the back.
  
• Blue Streak is on. Remember that? All I can think of is the Jay Z single with the CGI images of diamonds floating in the air.
• I can't be the only one who remembers that.
• Yes, I'm watching it now.
• I've been doing pretty well with trying new restaurants as well. I went to a sushi restaurant with my friend Brandie (yay, sushi!) in January. I've got my eye on this Mexican restaurant for this month. It'll be that unless something else interesting catches my eye.
• Mmm, I need to do my bible reading. My sister and I are reading the Bible in a year.
  
• I didn't do yesterday's reading, so I really need to catch up.
  
• I think I'll do that now.
  

Bout time I got '09 in gear

It looks like a lot, but it's not. I'm just very specific with my goals so that each is a step in itself toward fulfilling a larger goal. If I do these things, it'll be easier to cross more of them off come next year!

1. Forgive my father and deal with the issues I've developed with relationships in general because of my relationship with him so that I can stop hurting.
2. Begin yoga/Pilates/stretching 2-3 times a week to alleviate back pain and increase flexibility, strength.
3. Do 15 -30 minutes of cardio at least once a week; work up to two (or three) times a week by July.
4. Sit up straight.
5. Set up a monthly budget cutting out unnecessary expenses and stick to it.
   
6. Set up and begin a payment plan to pay off all credit cards and other debt by July 2010.
7. Set up another savings account so that I can have three: emergency (3-6 months salary); a life happens fund (for unexpected expenses) and a vacation fund.
8. Increase savings contributions to E-trade to finance trip to Spain in fall. Devote tax returns to building up savings reserves and contributing to vacation fund.
9. Do something every month to pamper myself. Get a mani/pedi. Get my hair done. Get a massage. Take a long bath. Buy myself something nice.
10. Try out a new healthy recipe at least once a month. Build up my repetoire to include more than fried foods and fatty sauces.
11. Eat out at a new restaurant at least once a month. Use this time to try different cuisines and experiment.
12. Read. Whatever I want. Magazines. Books. Whatever. Just read.
13. Go see "Raisin in the Sun" at Trinity Jan. 30 - March 30. Go see a show on Broadway with Setta B.
14. Keep clips up and network; send update mailings to potential employees two times a year (March and September, maybe?)
15. Write something that makes me proud, whether it wins any award or not.
    
16. Find an organization to volunteer with and do so, regularly. Can either be one organization with a long term commitment, or various organizations with one time commitments
17. Go on dates with the BF that (sometimes) require more than just driving to Boston and cooking food.
    
18. Take pictures to document life and stretch my creative muscles.
    
19. Start doing crosswords to exercise my mind.
20. Be present at all times. Start each day as if it were on purpose, not an accident.
    

I'll be honest. This post hurts. I haven't looked at my goals since I wrote them in January. As a result, some of them kinda fell by the wayside. Okay, a lot of them did. Here's how I did on the goals I'd set for myself -- with some excuses, disclaimers and other flim flam to get me off the hook.

• Begin healthy habits -- better eating, exercise and sleep -- I've been eating semi-healthfully, but not nearly as good as I could be. Sleep and exercise? Ha! I'm going to start my Pilates and Yoga again to help out with some back pain I've been experiencing, though
• Save 3 to 6 months worth of salary -- So, I had a good chunk of change saved up. But some emergencies and tough times made me have to tap the reserves. I'm slowly rebuilding my nest egg. BUT, I have recently started a high-interest savings account so, hopefully, this will go quickly.
  
• Pay off credit card debt -- Alright, so it's not completely paid off, but I've made a SERIOUS dent in my credit card debt. I've been doing automatic contributions every month -- and more recently every other week -- to keep paying it down.
  
• Write a project story at work -- I did one, but it was rushed. So I'm not going to count it. Only quality work goes toward the marking off of the list!
• Win -- or write something that could -- a RI Press Award -- DONE! Okay, so technically, the work was done last year, but I got the awards this year. GET AT ME!
  
• Read my Bible and pray regularly
• Take a class at a university
• Keep my car clean
• Organize work and life better -- I think I did okay with this. I began using Outlook to organize my sources (I HIGHLY recommend it) and began using the calendar to help me keep dates in mind. I also still use my paper calendar, and I do a lot of things online to keep my personal finances and other dealings in order
• Call old friends more often and keep in touch
• Improve my Spanish
• Travel internationally -- plans are for it to happen this fall. Spain is on the agenda.
  
• Be more in control of my feelings and work on communicating effectively
• Do more cultural and unexpected things
• Build more friendships
• Buy more staples to round out my wardrobe -- and work on accent pieces -- I cleaned out my closet to give myself room to buy more good clothes. I've bought a few pieces, gotten a lot of great pairs of pants tailored, and scored an amazing pair of boots. But it's a recession; so I haven't had the opportunity to buy as much as I'd like. I did get some great cardigans from Old Navy and a fantastic corduroy blazer from H&M. I still need a good wool coat though...
  
• Read at least six good books this year -- Eh, I started a few. And I began reading a few anthologies. Toure. Best Crime Writing. I finished "When You are Engulfed In Flames" by David Sedaris.
  
• Read the news daily -- I'm getting better. Not every day, not every story, but I'm knowledgeable.
• Have fun writing and craft interesting stories -- I've been trying.
  
• Visit home more often
• Keep clips up and network; send update mailings four times a year -- I've sent out a few packets, and I networked it up in Chicago. I even got offered a job in Va., but it wasn't for me. Haven't been super diligent about sending mailings otherwise because I haven't written anything spectacular. Besides, ain't nobody hiring anyway.
  
• Do more multimedia work
• Apply and go on some workshops for work -- Indeed! I got to go to NABJ in Chicago for free through a scholarship, went to a workshop for new court reporters in Nevada, and I went to the Nieman Conference in March at Harvard. I think this one is a big, fat check.
• Keep house clean and presentable always -- Yeah. Right now, my house is a mess. I gotta clean it before the New Year though
• Cook more healthy, interesting, tasty food. -- Not always tasty, but I've been trying new foods from time to time. I'm still looking for someone to go for sushi with me (oh, sushi, how I miss thee!). I've also been cooking more healthful foods thanks to Patti LaBelle. Her Pork chop recipe is out of sight! I highly recommend it. Let me know and I'll e-mail you the recipe!
  

Gathering my shambles

I guess it's just kind of that time of life.

A lot of people I talk to are working to "get their lives together." Ah, another Hamptonism working it's way into real life.

This one (though she's a *shudder* Bison) is working on it. So are a few of my other friends.

Whether it's developing a schedule, disciplining yourself, or just figuring out where you want to go in life, we're all just trying to pickup the pieces because our lives, as we see it, are in semi-shambles.

Me? I'm just trying to clean my house.

I've always been a packrat. And a messy one at that. I keep receipts. I keep ticket stubs. I keep twin sheets and comforters from college because I never know when a sleepover may breakout and I'll be glad I had that bed in a bag.

But the problem is the clutter is crowding out my life.

My clothes sit in bags and baskets in my bedroom floor, my walk-in closet too jam packed with clothes to fit them all. Yet, I have nothing to wear. What's taking up space on the rack are things I bought when I got to Hampton. Yeah, it's 2008. I know.

Plastic bags tumble from my kitchen pantry. I'm earth conscious so I don't want to throw them out and crowd up a landfill. I read to the back of one of the shelves, which is so disorganized, I didn't notice the unopened bottle of vinaigrette and bought a new one. (Though, I checked and the expiration date definitely said 2007. So I needed a new one anyway. Sigh.)

I've just got too much stuff.

So I decided to get rid of it.

After I got back from my trip, I figured now was as good a time as any to declutter my life. I threw out probably two years worth of magazines. I chucked those plastic bags (and their paper counterparts). I have no less than six bags of bedding, clothes and shoes waiting to be taken to the nearest Goodwill.

The sad part is, I'm not even close to done.

I bit off too much, people. Instead of working in one room and finishing it before moving on to another, I tackled the whole house because I wanted to put off going through my Tupperware or didn't know where to start when pruning my closet.

The result is that my living room and really, my entire house, looks like a disaster zone.

I'm hoping that when I finish, I'll be able to feel the space I've created. And maybe begin to surround myself with more of the things I love, rather than the things I've held on to in case I needed them.

And I guess that's step one in getting my life together. I just wish it didn't take so long.
Or require so much work.
Or so many trash bags.

How do you celebrate 25 years of life?

I turn 25 in roughly 54 days (don't clown, my calendar numbers the days left in the year).

Problem is, I don't know what I want to do.

So, this birthday is a pretty big one. Yet, I'm not as excited as I was for y birthday last year.

The BF mentioned this the other day. We were at dinner and he brought my birthday up. Then he came to his senses:

"What's up? This time last year, I'd been told your birthday was coming at least 2 months ago."

Iano. Just not as excited.

Last year, I was just amped. I had a banging roller skate party, went to dinner at a swanky restaurant and had a fantastic time.

This year, all I really want is to be around some friends on my birthday. But it's a double edged sword: if I invite a bunch of people up, I'll have to entertain them.

Did I mention I live in Rhode Island? Yeah.

So I don't really want that added stress of trying to entertain people. But really, I would love it if everyone could be in my living room and we just chill and watch movies and play games or something lame like that.

I thought about visiting friends, but all of my buddies are spread out, so i'd have to choose one friend to spend my 25th birthday with -- and that kinda sucks. If somehow, all of my friends could move to Philadelphia or somewhere like that, that'd be awesome (I like cheesesteaks). Plus, I could visit you all at the same time.

Sigh. But I don't think that will happen in 54 days.

So why am I writing this?

Really? I need to steal some ideas. What did you do for your 25th birthday? Details, people -- I need details! Because really, right now, I'm at a loss.

And that's no way to celebrate a quarter century of life.

Dance, girl, dance

Quick post to let you all know how much I am absolutely loving this girl.

yeah, the curly haired one.

So, I just got cable a few weeks back, so I've been catching up on all of the quality television I've missed in the last few years (looks around to see if lightning strikes her).

And I stumbled across America's Best Dance Crew. I'd heard about it from the curly one, who dances, but it wasn't until I saw one of the first shows that I fell in love with it. In a stupor, I sent my excitement to V in text form. It was short, and went something like this:

T-Dot: Just watched ABDC. It makes me wish I could dance!
V: Dance, girl, dance.

So, yeah. She didn't know it, but that meant a lot to me. It was just a throw away line, telling me to cut loose and just do it. But at the time, it just seemed really profound to me. I won't wax poetic about how its a metaphor for life and how it inspired me to sieze the day and do all that I've wanted to do, mostly because I want you all to be return readers. But know that I wrote it in my moleskin notebook and I peek at it from time to time.

Now, on to the most recent thing that she doesn't even know she did.

After a rough patch and what looks to be a slamming birthday, Curly updated her Facebook. Well, pause. Let me explain how I stumbled across the updatd Facebook page. So, Curly put up pictures of said birthday, which included her significant other -- my best friend (who really wants to get disowned because I haven't heard from him in umpteen moons). So anyway, while browsing the pics, I run across this shot of my friend and his new facial hair. It's like a little black ball of hair -- but just on his chin though.

Not a full on Rick Ross/Baron Davis beard. Moreso like King Tut. So I offered to take him to get his eyebrows done when I come to Virginia in a few weeks.

Of course, Curly hit the floor when she read the comment. I saw her new picture (which was very festive) and went to her profile. That's where I saw the update.

At the end of all of her random quotes and etc., she'd replaced the handful of paragraphs in her about me section with only one:

"Express everything you like. No word can hurt you. None. No idea can hurt you. Not being able to express an idea or word will hurt you more. Like a bullet."-- Jamaica Kincaid

Alright.

So this is why this meant a lot to me. I've been having a hard time communicating lately. Like, besides work. It's just when it comes to me telling someone how I feel, or that they hurt me, or that I don't want to do something, I freeze up. I worry they'll be upset or mad at my comment or that I'll hurt them unintentionally. So I say nothing and jsut bottle everything up inside instead. Which, of course, does not help the situation because then I find myself crippled by this fear whenever I should be speaking my mind. You know in your heart that it's better to say things and just get them out rather than to keep them in or to be in a situaiton where you feel you can't. But hearing the concept equated to that of a bullet, it just kind of hit home.

It's the same thing as the dancing. Stop worrying about what you look like, who's laughing or what anyone is saying about you and just dance.

So yeah. That's why I stopped my workday to post this. To say thank you to Curly.

Thanks, girl.

About that picture

Man that picture is old.

The picture you see at the top of this page. That one. It was taken at the NABJ Convention in Indianapolis in 2006.

Check your calendars. Yeah, it's 2008.

I'd just done my "big chop" and cut all of the remnants of permed hair from my head. On Tuesday, I celebrated my 2 year anniversary of natural hair.

Yeah, I missed it. My bad.

I guess it's because it doesn't seem like that big of an accomplishment. Once I decided to go natural, the general feeling was that I wasn't going back to perms, texturizers or anything of the sort. This was it. I was going to be natural for the rest of my life. Shoot, I even had thoughts ofme being the cool journalist/editor/college professor with a gray streaked afro and glasses mentoring young scribes. Man, I'm serious about this thing.

But the two year mark got me thinking.

Well, first, I'm boring. I wear my hair the same way -- in an afro with a headband -- pretty much every day. I'll switch it up and wear it without a headband if I'm feeling "reckless" or "relaxed." My efforts to try to do twists, twist outs or comb coils have been stymied by my own laziness. My desire to want to do other cool styles is hindered by my hair length and texture.

The second thing I started thinking about was how horrible of a shape my hair is in. I straightened it about two months ago and was disgusted by the ragged ends on my head. I was one of those girls who kept the good ends (for the most part) when I had a perm. Seeing my ends in such a split condition really hurt my heart.

So yeah, what now?

Well, I think I'm going to make an appointment at a salon to get a professional trim. That's number one. There's a place in Boston that a friend of mine says is really good. So I figure I'll give them a try. Then, I guess I'll just have to do something else with my hair. If anyone wants to volunteer to style it from time to time, I'm taking appointments. I just hate doing my hair.

Anyway, happy 2 year natural anniversary to me. And about that pic? I'll change it when I get a new hairstyle. Promise.

Sunday was a good day

Things just kinda hit the fan Sunday. I'm usually not that emotional -- sometimes to my detriment. But it was a rough day at church and I was rushing home to get ready for the retirement party for my Executive Editor.

I came in quiet. The BF asked me how things were. I walked past him, hoping he'd thought I just didn't hear him (he speaks softly).

The white dress I'd planned to exchange for a smaller size (I have a hard time figuring out proper fit) was stripped from my body and thrown haphazardly onto my bed. I went to my closet and clawed at the hangers, looking for something to wear.

I put on a skirt. Then a yellow shirt.

No.

Tried a brown shirt. Capris. No.

Nothing worked. Soon, a pile of rumpled clothes lie at the side of my bed. The BF came into the room.

"You alright?"

I stared at the clothes. I didn't know how to answer. I didn't want to talk about anything. I just wanted to put on clothes, go to this barbecue and put a smile on my face. I wanted to mutter that everything was fine. But I couldn't. So I didn't.

Not for lack of trying though.

I opened my mouth but words just wouldn't come out. Then I broke down. It was messy. Oh, it was messy. I kinda felt bad for the BF because it just came outta no where.

I was just tired. And I couldn't hold it in anymore. So I collapsed in his arms, wailed and let the tears flow.

"I can't find anything to wear," I said after the tears had stopped.

He chuckled and said something like, "if that's what this is about, we can go to the mall and get you a dress."

Made me smile. That's why I love him.

So somehow, he got me to tell him what was eating me. The job. Church. Lack of motivation for showing up at this barbecue. Life in general. Everything.

He said we didn't have to go, bless his heart. But we'd paid money. Barbecue was to be had.

I pulled on a pink shirt -- one that actually fits -- my capris and my brown wedges. We headed up to Lincoln talking about some of the things that were bothering me and about randomness in general. The resolution to all of the issues essentially was to take each of them one by one, determine what I want from it, what I don't want from it and work to make that happen. And move on from there. The BF - who is often very passionate -- was very calm in talking about the things bothered me, even the hard stuff. I appreciated that and felt a whole lot better by the time we go to the cook out.

The barbecue was cool. Lots of food. Lots of employees I don't know. Kinda awkward. We found some young coworkers of mine and hung out with them until they headed out. Then we ate, talked with some other coworkers and then called it a night.

I didn't want to go home and sulk -- or worse, watch Food Network (yes, I got cable!) -- so I suggested we go do something.

"It's on you, boss."

So I went home, put on a t-shirt and some tennis shoes, grabbed our mitts and we set out for the local park. A few months back, the BF taught me to play catch (yes, I had to be taught -- try and throw something at me and you'll see why). He's a big sports fan, so we bought gloves and a softball.

He threw some soft pitches to get me warmed up. Tried to recoach me at proper glove placement. Reminded me to use two hands. I'm sweet on my left side. It's when the pitches come to my right or at my face that there are sometimes problems. Pop-ups? I'm actually decent on those, too.

We threw until it got dark -- around 8:30 p.m. -- and then I wanted ice cream. Instead of going to a place in East Providence, I suggested we head down to West Warwick, where I cover. There was an ice cream place this guy runs that has pomegranate ice cream. So we hop on the expressway.

Five minutes into the ride, we see it.

"Is that a carnival?!"

Oh yeah.

I pull the Cavi off the exit and head toward the flashing lights. The carnival had just started, we found out and would be there until Saturday. Best part? It only cost $2.

Sweet.

Got some tickets and headed straight for the money maker: the Zipper. It was, quite possibly, one of the scariest things I've done in a long time. And it was fantastic. I'll put pics up later.

From there, unfortunately, the carnival went downhill. We got on one other ride, then we needed more tickets because we wanted to play games. We go to the ticket booth and drop $20. Then we walk over to the game vendors, ready to win some prizes.

"We work by cash," the carni said.

Say what? We got hosed.

So we try to get our money back so we can play some games (we only had $20 cash on us and no ATM in sight). OF course, they don't give refunds. We walk around for a second a little blown, a little confused, then we decide the answer is simple:

Scalp the tickets.

So we set up shop near the ticket booth (after asking, of course) and try to intercept some sales. A crew straight out of the O.C. walks up prepared to buy a boatload of tickets. We tell them our dilemma. We only need a few tickets, but we have a sheet of $20. Buy the tickets from us, we say.

One of the guys says, "how much?"

Um, $20, dude. He goffs. I look at him like, this ain't no negotiation. We just want our money. You need tickets. Don't try to get over.

Luckily, the girls he was with were more sympathetic. They bought our tickets from us no problem. We thanked them, turned around and bought a $10 sheet and put the other $10 in my purse.

We rode two more rides and the BF won an octopus (with six tentacles) for me. We were going to do the ferris wheel -- you know, the requisite romantic ride -- but when we saw it, it just looked so anticlimactic. So we passed it up for some rotating thing. It was cool. It was almost tragedy because as we were getting out of the ride, a pair of keys -- from someone on the ride next to us -- landed in the middle of the ride.

Hard.

If we'd still been spinning, that would have knocked someone in the head, easily. So, the BF turned the keys into a policeman near the front. As we walked away, another patron turned in a switchblade. All kinds of things fall off these rides, people. And that poor policeman was becoming lost and found.

As for us, our days at the carnival were over. It was wack from there on out (we'd pretty much done everything) so we grabbed some cotton candy and went back to the car. We made a Chilis run on the way to the house (late night eating options in RI are slim) and plopped down on the couch with some cajun chicken pasta and chicken tacos.

I gotta say, it was actually a good day.

(dun, dunda, dun, dun dun dun -pause - dun dun dadun dun dundun)

Today

I just realized I'm depressed. Not like suicidal or anything, but I seriously think I'm depressed about something.

I think my job has a lot to do with it. And some other things in my life. But mostly my job. I just feel like I"m not living up to my potential.

Like I'm pretending to be a journalist. Not really do it.

The easy thing would be to just do it, huh. But I've been trying to make myself do that for the last few months and it hasn't been working.

I've been without a computer for the last few days because it got a virus. Today, I've been flitting from one coworkers computer to another. I've done scant work today. I could have done more.

I should have done more.

I'm not fulfilled. I'm not happy.

But I don't know what will make me happy. I keep thinking that I should get a new job, but I'm scared.

Really scared.

Afraid that I'll get to the new place and feel this same feeling all over again. Afraid no one will want me. Afraid that the place I go to will be worse. Afraid that maybe it's not the job. Maybe it's me.

I got all but offered a job in Virginia a few weeks ago. I turned them down. They were offering a good job in legal reporting or education -- things that I'd like to see if I want to focus on forever. Part of the reason I turned them down was because everything happened so quickly. I sent my stuff over and then they wanted me to come down, essentially, that weekend. I wasn't honestly looking -- just putting some feelers out. I listened to what they were saying. But I learned they were up for sale, which really is what sealed the deal --- or at least gave me a way out. The way I'm feeling now, I need to go into a newsroom that's stable so that I don't get lost. I'm a utility worker. I want to do better, not end up filling gaps and being "solid" for the rest of my life.

I saw this on Errin's gmail the other day:

"The first step to getting the things you want out of life is this: Decide what you want." ~ Ben Stein

That's my biggest problem. I have no clue what I want and I feel like I should have known a long time ago.

Not knowing seemed fine when I graduated college. Shoot, it even seemed fine when I took this job. But I'm approaching 25 years on this earth. Not knowing is not seeming so cool anymore.

Consider this my quarter-life crisis, 7 months in advance.

For, really, all of my life, all I've ever wanted to do was be a journalist. Hell, it's all I'm good at. I talk to people. I get them to tell me things. I write them down. Repeat. It's been my life for the last what, 9 or 10 years (I started writing when I was in the 10th grade). I don't know any other tricks. I don't want to learn.

I'm not talking multimedia or web or whatever. Those are just variations on the trick I've been turning for the last decade (give or take). Those things don't scare me. What scares me is that maybe after all this time (older readers, stifle your laughter) that I've been going down the wrong path.

I keep thinking I want to move into editing. But it's hard to be an editor when you've only got 2 or 3 years of experience, two non-first place awards and a handful of mediocre clips with no passion behind them. And I don't want to give up on writing. I love writing. It's fun. Sometimes. But a lot of times, it sucks. I keep thinking a change of scenery would help. I don't know.

I'm at my coworkers desk now because my computer is still broken. The tears are welling in my eyes. To my right, a coworker is on the phone with a source. The other employees are typing away at stories.

I'm writing this blog.

That's all I've got.

Get it Right, Get it Tight!

I'm a little late posting this, but I've had these outlined since Jan 2. Here are the goals I'd like to accomplish (or work toward) in 2008.

Oh, and this year is the Year of Getting Right, Getting Tight

• Begin healthy habits -- better eating, exercise and sleep
• Save 3 to 6 months worth of salary
• Pay off credit card debt
• Write a project story at work
• Win -- or write something that could -- a RI Press Award
• Read my Bible and pray regularly
• Take a class at a university
• Keep my car clean
• Organize work and life better
• Call old friends more often and keep in touch
• Improve my Spanish
• Travel internationally
• Be more in control of my feelings and work on communicating effectively
• Do more cultural and unexpected things
• Build more friendships
• Buy more staples to round out my wardrobe -- and work on accent pieces
• Read at least six good books this year
• Read the news daily
• Have fun writing and craft interesting stories
• Visit home more often
• Keep clips up and network; send update mailings four times a year
• Do more multimedia work
• Apply and go on some workshops for work
• Keep house clean and presentable always
• Cook more healthy, interesting, tasty food.

As 2 double oh 7 rolls to a close...

So, it's about that time, where I take stock of the things I've done that I wanted to do over the past 12 months. In my January post from last year, I laid out a few goals I wanted to accomplish, namely:

*becoming fluent in Spanish -- (in retrospect, this was a little ambitious. Maybe proficiency is the first step. I have been doing a Spanish Word of the Day for my church, which is located in a predominantly hispanic area.)
*travelling the world to expand my horizons - does Florida and Las Vegas count? Still no stamps on the passport though...
*getting outside of my comfort zone when it comes to recreational activities - DONE. just yesterday, I went ice skating. I've also been berry picking, to the Basketball Hall of Fame, had a rollerskating shindig for my birthday, took a spin at Top of the Hub, went to the batting cages (I have form!) and other random New Englandy things this year.
*writing to my level - always - regardless of what I could get through the editors at the paper -- I wrote great coverage of a murder trial in October (check out the archives at Ten95 -- the PJ still owes me half a mic for that coverage), did some good storytelling toward the end of the year and wrote some solid analysis pieces on the fallout after my town manager was fired. And I'm writing a first person series on a citizen's police academy class that I'm attending on my own time (people in the streets are asking me when the next installment is running).
*building my faith up through prayer -- work in progress
*volunteering so that I can give back to a world that has given so much to me -- I'm very active in my church, am a mentor for a program for local youth, served as guest speaker in that program
*Read good books - classics, contemporaries and others - Get at me: "Black No More," "Redeeming Love," "The Street," "Another Country," and "Intoxicated with Babylon." Currently working on "Thirteen Ways of Looking at a Black Man," and "Never Drank the Kool-Aid."
*Getting my financial house in order so that I can get out of debt and live the way I deserve to -- started automatic contributions to my savings account and maxed out my company match on my 401(k). will increase it by 1 percent when I get my raise and continue saving. Next: cutting expenses and saving more money.
*surround myself with friends and loved ones who care about me and my well-being -- DONE. :-)
*Read more great writing and really work at getting great at my craft instead of being complacent -- I read Esquire. And the New Yorker. And I got a subscription to Harpers (not the Bazaar) that should start in January. Taking (and sometimes failing) current events quizzes. Starting to read more papers on a daily basis. Also doing crosswords and logic puzzles (upping the vocab). I've started stretching out to other forms of writing (first person, narrative, etc.) in my daily reporting. Still have things to improve on, but getting better. And that's the point.
*finish my project at work and start another one -- I've got to take an L on this one since it's been so long since I did the intial interviews. I do have, however, a project on tap for January.
*network with people outside of my current circle of friends -- made some new friends at NABJ (hey, Jase), and I built a friendship with one of my coworkers (we don't hang out much though because she works super duper days), but my social network in New England is still pretty small.
*Do more cultural things - art exhibits, theatre, concerts, etc. -- CHECK! I've been to a lot of different plays, visited the Newport Mansions, went to two concerts at Harvard (Kuumba singers!), saw "Shear Madness" and checked out Floetry in Boston, and similar things.
*Building a great wardrobe to carry me through the years - I'm definitely working on it. This year, I found my TRUE size (i've been buying my clothes too big all this time) and bought some great outfits and wonderful staple pieces I can update with trendier items as the years go on.

I'm still working on what I want out of 2008. I'll let you guys know what I come up with as soon as I figure it all out. In the meantime, have a safe and happy holiday and I'll see you guys next year.

--T. Dot