Scattered Shots before the Holiday

Tonight, I'm heading to visit my sister for the Holy Day. A couple of observations about this Christmasy season:

• I've got to learn to travel better. It always stresses me out. Mostly because I make umpteen unnecessary lists and check them 3 million times before packing. And then I always pack a little extra. I gotta learn to be like my photographer friend, who travelled in China for two weeks with a single carryon. I'm going to be gone for 4 days and I feel like I brought 1/2 my closet with me.
  
• Personal inventory post coming again soon. I have to check and see how I've been doing with those resolutions I made oh, about this time last year.
  
• I'm going to be a student again in -- count 'em -- 8 months. Whew. I'm so not ready.
• I am however, ready to be surrounded by my friends again -- Veronica, Soraya, Darby, Jarrod, and everyone else in the DMV -- I'm looking at you.
  
• Though I'll have friends a plenty, I have a feeling this won't be like undergrad. At all.
  
• I'm glad I got my Christmas shopping early. But Oyin, tell me why did I order from you on December 3 and JUST GOT MY ORDER TODAY? Everyone else I ordered from was able to give me my purchases within days. Failure to you, Oyin. Failure. (Amendment: Setta B pointed out that everything Oyin makes is handmade, so it results in a little bit of a delay in shipping. So I guess I'll give them a pass.)
  
• I think I'm going to spend the first quarter of 2010 selling things that I'm purging from my house. Where do you guys sell? Ebay? Etsy? I could use some money for school and I need to simplify my life so it's easier to pack come fall.
  
• I think that's it. Merry Christmas!
  

Awesome quotes

Been stumbling across some great quotes lately. Figured I'd share.

"Nothing is too small to know and nothing too big to attempt." -- William Van Horne

"What is written without effort is, in general, read without pleasure." -- Samuel Johnson

"I understand newspapers are a business, (but) I wish newspapers made money to do a better job of serving the readers." -- Geneva Overholser

"Most of us, particularly those of us who would like to think we are wordsmiths, think that we can tell something to someone one time and they will understand it. My experience has proven to me that the odds of that happening are very low indeed." -- Jay T. Harris.

"We aren't that smart. You did the Stanky Leg." -- Me.

On Self Esteem

From the father of a friend of mine:

"You gotta be able to say 'I like me. And if you don't like me, f*ck you, 'cause I like me.'"

I heard that.

It's July -- Time to Take Stock

The year is half gone so I figured now is a good time to check in on how I'm doing with my goals I set for myself at the beginning of the new year.

1. Forgive my father and deal with the issues I've developed with relationships in general because of my relationship with him so that I can stop hurting. . Seriously, I haven't thought about this much. I'm kinda starting to think that while I'm sure the relationship affected me, that he doesn't really have anything to do with how I act in relationships now. Those actions are things that I control. I may revisit this later, but right now, I'm not compelled to.
   
2. Begin yoga/Pilates/stretching 2-3 times a week to alleviate back pain and increase flexibility, strength. Man. I don't know why I stopped this. When I was doing this (during my training for the 5K) I had less back pain and my posture was on point. My back hurts as I type this. I need to get back on this.
   
3. Do 15 -30 minutes of cardio at least once a week; work up to two (or three) times a week by July. So, about that. As you know, I ran a 5K in May, so I did cardio regularly -- about 2-3 times a week. I'm also running another race on July 19, which I've been running about 2 times a week for on good weeks. I'm not up to my goal yet, but that's something to strive for.
   
4. Sit up straight. Doing better. I was doing great with it when I was regularly doing yoga, starting to slack more now. I need to get back on it.
   
5. Set up a monthly budget cutting out unnecessary expenses and stick to it. Eh. Not a strict budget, although I have been putting more money into my savings account and striving to pack my lunch, vs. buying it daily.
   
6. Set up and begin a payment plan to pay off all credit cards and other debt by July 2010. Done. I'll be (credit card) debt free by Spring 2010
   
7. Set up another savings account so that I can have three: emergency (3-6 months salary); a life happens fund (for unexpected expenses) and a vacation fund. Done. I opened an E-Trade account a few months ago to get better returns
   
8. Increase savings contributions to E-trade to finance trip to Spain in fall. Devote tax returns to building up savings reserves and contributing to vacation fund. I did increase my contributions to the E-trade account, but it won't be to finance my Spain trip. Instead, that's the account I'll be using to save up money for grad school in 2010 -- I told ya'll I got in, right?
   
9. Do something every month to pamper myself. Get a mani/pedi. Get my hair done. Get a massage. Take a long bath. Buy myself something nice. I'm slacking on this, but I have started making regular appointments with a hair dresser and got a mani/pedi a few weeks ago that was fantastic.
   
10. Try out a new healthy recipe at least once a month. Build up my repetoire to include more than fried foods and fatty sauces. I'm a little behind, but I've got 5 Healthy Recipes up so far. So I'm two behind. I'll make it up though!
    
11. Eat out at a new restaurant at least once a month. Use this time to try different cuisines and experiment. Not doing so great at this. I need to look around and find some places I want to go.
    
12. Read. Whatever I want. Magazines. Books. Whatever. Just read. Yes! I just finished the Brief and Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao, and I just ordered subscriptions to Women's Health and InStyle Magazine. I'm excited!
    
13. Go see "Raisin in the Sun" at Trinity Jan. 30 - March 30. Go see a show on Broadway with Setta B. I did go see Raisin in the Sun! It was pretty good. I'd never seen it before, so I was pleasantly surprised. I still need to find a show to go see with Setta on Broadway. Sis, if you're reading, let me know if you hear of a good show!
    
14. Keep clips up and network; send update mailings to potential employees two times a year (March and September, maybe?) I'll have to put some clips together for the NABJ convention in August. That will likely count as my mailing for the fall. I'll do another in the Spring, before I go to grad school.
    
15. Write something that makes me proud, whether it wins any award or not. I've been pretty proud of some of the trial coverage I've done so far, but I'd like to do a big project or something intensive that I'm also proud of as well.
    
16. Find an organization to volunteer with and do so, regularly. Can either be one organization with a long term commitment, or various organizations with one time commitments Still haven't found anything, but honestly, haven't looked very hard after getting discouraged earlier this year.
    
17. Go on dates with the BF that (sometimes) require more than just driving to Boston and cooking food. We've done movies, bowling, amusement parks, small gatherings and even an art show or two. Not a complete success because I could be doing more, but it's a start.
    
18. Take pictures to document life and stretch my creative muscles. Epic fail. I've been forgetting to document big things - like events -- in my life, let alone just the regular mundane things. I'll strive to do better with this.
    
19. Start doing crosswords to exercise my mind. Sporadically.
20. Be present at all times. Start each day as if it were on purpose, not an accident. Getting better at it, day by day.

This is it?

So, I promptly ended my Facebook fast about 17 minutes ago.

It was pretty anticlimactic, I have to say.

I never believed I was an addict, but I did frequently check Facebook and Twitter to pass the time at work. Then my sister issued her challenge. And I realized they are all just serious time wasters and not as interesting as I originally thought.

In the days when Facebook was forbidden, I longed really, to just post my pictures from the Cancer race and receive the accolades that I'm sure would pour in on account of my accomplishments. In its absence, I turned to my blog to post about my triumph. I Google chatted with friends and basically just told them what was up. That was cool.

But when I logged on today, first I wasn't about to take the time to post my pictures (I'm on the clock, afterall). So I cleared out my inbox and checked my friend requests. Some parties in Atlanta and Virginia that I'm not going to. One person wrote on my wall. I was tagged in two pictures. Not super exciting stuff.

I gotta say I was disappointed. I think my hiatus from Facebook made me think it was so much more than it really was. And now that I see it for what it is, it's just kinda like a letdown.

All that to say, I'll be back on Facebook probably this afternoon, checking up on friends, posting pictures and possibly playing WordTwist. It's a time waster, but hey, I like it.

My name is T-Dot and I'm a Social Network addict

So, I'm on a social network fast. Unfortunately, it's not by choice.

While I was at the cancer walk this weekend, I was talking to my sister who claimed I was a social network addict, thanks to a handy dandy quiz she'd just seen on the local news.

How often did I check Twitter, Facebook or LinkedIn? The first two, usually two or three times a day, the latter, when I get an update.

There were a few other questions, but I forget them. Either way she told me I was addicted. I told her I could stop anytime I wanted to. She held me to it.

So, from Sunday, May 3 to midnight on Friday, May 8, I am not allowed to Tweet, check Facebook, write on walls, or otherwise engage in social networking.

It was fine earlier this week because I didn't really have Internet access. But today was my first day at work and my normal routine is to check Facebook or Twitter while I wait for people to return calls. And I've got those pictures from the weekend burning a hole in my camera. I need to post them to Facebook. How else will people know what I've done?

What's worse is that it seems to be everywhere I turn. Veronica's mentioning a magic post on Facebook. I'm doing a story about how Twittering, Facebook and blogs are changing the way judges instruct juries in an effort to curb mistrials. Plus, I want to update my statuses so I can get people to say congrats to me for running my race. By Thursday, no one will care.

Anyway, so I write this post, instead of checking Facebook, or Tweeting, or writing my story, to say that I'm going through withdrawal. Got. To. Stay. Strong.

I've been busy

Actually, no. I've just been tired.

I feel like I did like two trials non-stop last month. I didn't. But the one I did do was a doozy that my newsroom was having wet dreams over so it was causing me much angst. First day of testimony, they're like, give me 175-190 lines.

'scuse me? That's like 25 to 30 inches, sir. People seem to think a bunch of stuff happens during a day of testimony, like it does on TV. They lie. This is how testimony goes in real life.

Prosecutor: What's your name?
Witness: Joe Smith.
P: Where are you employed?
W: Widgets and Stuff.
P: What do yo do there?
W: I'm a janitor
P: How long have you been there?
W: 15 years
P: Do you have a family?
W: Yes.
P: Are you married?
W: Yes.
P: To whom?
W: Sally Smith.
P: How long have you been married?
W: 25 years.
P: Did you have chance to be working on March 23, 2005?
W: yes I did.
P: And how did you start that day?
W: I cleaned the trash cans and picked my nose and read people's mail like I always do. ....

But it takes a lot longer than it took you to read that. Trust me. And cats don't want to believe me when I tell them that

Pause for the cause.

I think Dan Barry just walked into my newsroom. Ahh, I think he's speaking (or spoke) at a journalism class taught by one of my colleagues. Apparently he's got local ties. From wiki: Dan Barry is a reporter for The New York Times. His column, "About New York", appeared on Wednesdays and Saturdays in the NY Region section of the paper. While working for the Providence Journal-Bulletin in 1994, Barry won the Pulitzer Prize for investigative reporting after exposing corruption in the Rhode Island court system. Well, dang.

Back to our regularly scheduled post.

So anyway, they want me to pull 30 inches of crap out of my neck when they don't understand that the first few witnesses aren't necessarily the juicy ones. Like, they have to set scene and establish all these things before they get to the juicy stuff. Let ME -- the person who sat in court all day -- tell you how much I can pull out of my neck, please.

But I wrote it anyway. Here it is. I got in trouble for not having enough attribution. I complied in later stories.

So after that, I started writing this other story that keeps getting held. Shoot, actually two stories. I know it's the nature of the beast, it just is MAD irritating. Because they keep coming to me with stuff that's in the story asking me about it. And I fix it, or bring their point up higher in the story and the joints still haven't run. Someone kill me.

Beyond that, training has been beating me. And I'm lazy. I did do 30 minutes of core strengthening yoga this afternoon followed by a 45 minute run/walk that covers the 3.1 miles I'll be running on May 2. I was proud because I got further than I had been before I stopped to walk, but still kinda discouraged because I had to stop. I'm building up slowly, so I figured it best to at least get used to the distance, even if I didn't run it the entire time. I ran in intervals. So I guess that's improvement, huh?

I'm hungry and I'm about to go to a Town Council budget workshop session. Joy.

Baby steps

I did my first run outside. On concrete. In a neighborhood.

Real life is no joke.

I've been running on a treadmill and I kept hearing people say that treadmill miles don't translate into real world mileage. I figured I'd lose a little bit, but man, as I jumped over uneven sidewalks and dodged unruly trees, I felt as though I was almost back at square 1.

Almost.

With that being said, I'll say this: I'm a punk. When I started to get uncomfortable, I'd ask the BF to stop (he offered to run with me, even though he only had his Vans -- how nice is that?). He'd oblige. He did make me run the last few blocks back to my house nonstop though. Kept saying, 'come on, just a little further' when I started to slow down. I wanted to tell him I wasn't going to stop, but the quick pace we'd been keeping needed to come down a notch if I wasn't going to collapse on my doorstep. Then he raced me to my front door. I lost.

So yeah, I think I've decided that if I have the chance to run outside versus doing a few hours in the gym, I'm going to choose to run outside. I didn't hurt as much, and I'm not going to be pumping weights come May 2. I'm going to be running in Central Park/Times Square. Oh goodness. What did I sign up for?

Since I've been gone

A few things, since I haven't updated in forever:

I didn't get my hair done. Loser, right? I was in the middle of covering a murder trial and I wasn't committed to paying for someone to do my hair for the Follies.

So I did it myself instead.

It's not the same style. I originally did two strand twists with the intent to do a twist out the night of the show (an old standby from Follies past). But then, I twisted up a few of the twists and realized it looked pretty cute as it was. So I left it. Here it is:

I'll post a better picture a little lower.

So anyway, the Follies were a hit. The show went off pretty well and I only forgot a few of my words -- That's a success in my eyes.

I didn't get mentioned, but the Phoenix gave us a pretty good review. Overall, we've been getting a lot of good feedback about the show. I wasn't in that many numbers -- I think three, not counting the opener and closer, so it was a low key night for me. Which was actually good because I wasn't completely exhausted as I have been in previous years where I'm on stage constantly. This year, I played Sasha Obama with another coworker and sung a song about how cute we Obama girls are, I was in a song about the layoffs at my newspaper, and I was in a song about Steve Alves - a former senator in West Warwick who was ousted by a baker. Good times indeed.

In other news, the BF went with me to the show. I fought him on the outfit (which was his idea) but we turned out to be "the best dressed couple in Swansea." I'll take it. He was excited about the Urkel glasses. I was skeptical at first, but they turned out to be a nice addition.

After the show, we went out to a local bar and hung out with some of my coworkers and the other folks who went to the show. Then we went to my coworker's house and played Rockband until like, 3:30, 4 a.m. It was ridiculous. A good night though. A really good night.

At work, things have been kinda rocky -- no pun intended. We laid off an additional 100 people, including two of my favorite office assistants ever in life. They were my friends -- one even my "adopted mom" who always looked out for me when I first came to the Journal and was assigned to her bureau. I didn't get a chance to say goodby because I've been working on a murder trial and was out of the office most days. After they got the news, thankfully the company didn't make them continue to work - like they did the last round of layoffs we had. So when I came in to joke with one of them, their desks were cleared out. Good for them, sad for me. I'm going to get some cards and write nice notes to them and send them to them, because I honestly don't know if I'll see them again. Which is pretty sad.

The good note is that, as I mentioned, I've been covering a murder trial the last few weeks. You know I LOVE trials right? You do. Anyway, I think I've been writing some really good stories -- I even got front page two days in a row. Yesterday, I was the front page centerpiece! How cool is that? Wanna read my stuff? Here's some of it. You can also google me. I got hits, yo.

Bishop tells his story

Alfred "Freddie" Bishop guilty in 2007 murder

Brother of slaying victim tells of fatal struggle with intruder in Warwick home

And I was a freaking blog superstar all during the trial. I was calling in updates, e-mailing posts and just all around being a "blog-centered" superstar. I rock. Hard.

Anyway, um, other than that, things have been cool. I'm completely slacking on my exercise, which I fully plan to get back on this weekend. I've just been pooped lately. But I gotta start running again or I'll never be ready for this 5K. Oh, and just in case you haven't already, there's still time to donate!

It's getting kinda hectic

A few things, randomly:

• I just filed my taxes!
• I filed them so early because I wanted my return, but mostly because I needed to file my FASFA. I would have filed them sooner if I'd gotten all of my documents a little earlier.
  
• I'm scared out of my mind of applying to school.
• Oh yeah, I'm applying to school. There are two really cool Master's programs I'm applying for. One at Yale and another at Georgetown.
  
• I'd planned to apply for the 2010 school year, but the state of the economy and pending layoffs at my job made me want to, at least, apply so I'd be in the position to turn it down if necessary.
• I made this decision on Monday. One of the applications is due Feb. 15.
  
• Three other people in my department have to be laid off before I lose my job. The company wants to lose 500 positions throughout the entire company (across a number of newspapers)
  
• I'll be writing my essay this weekend.
• I'm not so much worried about getting accepted, but rather paying for it all.
  
• I'm debating what I want to do with my return -- pay down my credit card debt, pay some on my credit debt and put the rest into savings, or put it all into savings
• I've knocked off some of my goals for this year, well, at least one. I got to go see Raisin in the Sun yesterday -- for free -- because a friend of mine works at the theatre.
• I'd never seen Raisin in the Sun or read the play.
  
• I've bought "The Little Black and White book of Crosswords" -- it's a collection of NYTimes crosswords of increasing difficulty.
  
• I've yet to do one without looking -- at least once -- at the answers in the back.
  
• Blue Streak is on. Remember that? All I can think of is the Jay Z single with the CGI images of diamonds floating in the air.
• I can't be the only one who remembers that.
• Yes, I'm watching it now.
• I've been doing pretty well with trying new restaurants as well. I went to a sushi restaurant with my friend Brandie (yay, sushi!) in January. I've got my eye on this Mexican restaurant for this month. It'll be that unless something else interesting catches my eye.
• Mmm, I need to do my bible reading. My sister and I are reading the Bible in a year.
  
• I didn't do yesterday's reading, so I really need to catch up.
  
• I think I'll do that now.
  

Considering the crack

I think I might be breaking down because it just. keeps. calling. my. name.

I might get a smartphone.

Shussh. Don't tell nobody.

So, here's how this potential breakdown/silent protest against the 24 hour workday came about.

The BF has an iPhone. You've seen them. They're cool. And so daggone functional. Like, oh, we're going out to the mall, let me scroll to Bank of America to check my account balance. Some downtime on the train? Veronica just put up a funny facebook status. Wanna make an appointment to get fitted? Let me check my calendar.

Like I said. Super functional.

And here's how I came to envy it. (I know, horrible, right?)

I'm all about paper planners. I love the idea of writing things down and making notes and being able to flip through pages. But it's becoming a lot less convenient. I'm all on my Outlook tip these days, using the calendar and contacts function and e-mailing up a storm with my boss. So, as I'm talking to a source who wants me to stop by Town Hall on Thursday, I just go to my calendar, type in the info and tell him I'll see him then.

I don't transfer it to the paper calendar. Which becomes a problem.

So when I'm not near my computer, I literally have no idea what I'm supposed to be doing on any given day. I feel like I'm just drifting through space because I don't have those little white boxes (on the teal background, thank you) telling me that I need to check on that child porn case from 2 to 2:30 p.m. I also would love having access to all of my contacts on my phone, especially since with the new position, I spend a lot of my time in the courthouse away from my Rolodex (yes, I was old school until I upgraded) and Outlook contacts.

Now, the obvious problem with getting a smartphone will be that it will cost me money. Probably lots of it over the course of life. Actually, let's do some math.

My monthly bill now is about $60. Which means that for a year, I pay roughly $720 to call and text all the important and/or necessary people in my life. The data/internet/call/text plan I'd have to get from Sprint is about $99, which would up my bill to $1,188.

In case you missed it, that would be an additional $468 a year -- an extra $39 a month.

And I'm not sure I want the committment.

Today, I bugged an AP reporter in court about his (work sponsored) Palm and how he liked it (he's addicted) and talked to my girl over sushi about her Blackberry (she wants me to get one). But I'm not sure. Some of them are kinda ugly. This one seems to do what I want. Not sure how I feel about the design. And everyone and their mama have the Blackberry Curve it seems.

The BF did find this one, which makes me drool. It links your AIM and text message conversations with one person so you can see them in one place. And it's touch screen.

I don't know if I can deal.

Anybody got a biscuit?

So, I brought my workout clothes to work today with the full intention of getting my skinny tail on a treadmill. I'm thin, but put me on a flight of stairs and I'll be breathing like Crisco is coming out of my veins by the time I reach the top.

That's not attractive.

But is it wrong to ditch your workout because you're hungry? And you know what the sad part is? Today I actually ate breakfast (strawberry banana yogurt with granola) and lunch (ham and cheese sandwich with tortilla chips and an apple).

So tell me, why, at 7:30 p.m. do I feel like my stomach is going to implode if I don't get something in my belly immediately?

I need to do better about planning for this late afternoon/early evening snack.

Sigh.

Tonight though? That gym bag is staying at my office and I'm thinking it's going to be a DiGiorno night.

Special on Aisle 9

So, apparently, people still read this thing.

I talked to a few people this week who said they checked my page during my *ahem* brief hiatus, looking for updated material. (shout out to Louise)

Seems as if they care what's going on in my life.

Well, dang, ya'll. That almost made me shed a tear.

So, without any further adieu, we'll get on with the randomness.

-------

There's something about Supermarkets that soothe me.

I'm not sure if it's the white linoleum, the perfectly lined shelves, or just the opportunity to wander, uninterrupted, for however long I choose to browse, but I love it.

Partially because I'm a lightweight foodie. I've always loved cooking and preparing things to make people happy. Food does that. Makes people happy. Plus, it's relaxing to mix spices, stir soups and fry chicken. Plus you get a great reward at the end.

I think I realized I liked grocery stores probably about a year ago. And that revelation actually came while I was getting the ingredients for some food dish. See, I cook when I'm stressed (or clean, or arrange things -- I like to keep busy). So I'd gone to my local Stop n Shop to pick up some things for an apple pie. After I'd picked through the apples, gotten the spices I needed, and picked up the sugar and flour for the homemade pie crust, I wandered down each aisle, picking up things, or looking for inspiration. By the end of the trip, I'd spent more than two hours in the store. And I didn't feel as if I'd wasted my time. I was relaxed and ready to go.

Funny thing is, my cell phone rarely rings when I'm grocery shopping. And other shoppers don't bother me. So for those hours, it's just me and my thoughts. And the Spaghetti-Os. Not so much that I go there to think, I go there to calm down. When I get stressed or am thinking about something important, sometimes I need to just shut down and think about nothing for a while before I can think clearly about the subject again. The grocery store lets me do that. And I always find something cool on those relaxation trips -- coconut milk, yellow rice, boneless pork chops, shallots, or Newmans Virgin Lemon aided Iced Tea. It's always so worth it.

At least until I get home and I have to unload all of my purchases into my tiny cupboards and my even smaller freezer.

Just thought I'd share.

A quick post

Because someone is getting antsy.

• I went home for Thanksgiving -- my first trip back to Michigan in nearly a year. It was great. I got to spend time with my family and friends and eat all of the foods I can't get in Rhode Island. I got Big John's Steak and Onion, Yaya's Chicken, and even managed to smuggle some Faygo pop and Everfresh fruit punch and Better Made chips in my luggage! Yes!


• While I was home, I got my hair pressed. I feel bad because my hairdresser had to fry my hair to get it straight (i also got a trim while I was home) but it was nice to have the curls back. However, I'm not sure if I want to subject my hair to that kind of treatment on a regular basis. Here's a pic to the right. And don't clown me. I'd just gotten in to Flint and then spent hours in the hairdresser while she tamed my hair. I was tired. And you can see it. *shrug* But my hair is LAID.
• While I was at home, my niece celebrated her 10th birthday (shoutout to Kiera). So the night before, she was playing with her sister, Kyla, who is 3. Here's the exchange:
  Kiera: Kyla, tomorrow is my birthday.
  Kyla: Tomorrow is you birthday?
  Kiera: Yeah
  Kyla: Can I get in the pool with you?
  *Sighs all around* Kyla's birthday is in August, so she thinks everyone can get in the pool on their birthday. Sorry, holmes. It was about 30 degrees on Kiera's birthday. Pool's gonna have to wait about 6 more months.
• I got someone to switch my Christmas night shift with me! That means I get to spend the holiday with my sister (you know, the antsy one?). I'm pretty excited. This will be the second Christmas that I've done without my family. One Christmas I spent with a friend's family and the first Christmas was, well, the Bestest Christmas Ever. This just might have to be the Bestest Christmas Ever: Redux. Because it's going to be serious.

Okay, that's enough for now. I've got to get back to work!

I changed my phone screen saver today.

It doesn't seem like a big deal, but somewhere it made me sad.

See, I'd changed it to a photo that was on my phone to remind me of something nice someone once did for me. For a while, the picture worked. I'd open up my phone and smile. Then, after a while, it stopped working. It got to the point where I didn't want to look at my screen because it felt so forced.

So I changed it back to the red flowers that Samsung give you as a stock screensaver.

I don't know why the image that started out great ended up hurting, but I'm sure I'll figure it out one day.

Nervous Energy

It's 2 a.m. and I'm up.

It's 2:17 a.m. to be exact. And I'm up.

sigh.

I have a lot of nervous energy. Like, a ton.

People always wonder how I stay cool. How I always seem to be calm. How I seem to be so unaffected by the pressures and aggrevations of daily life.

Little secret people: I am.

I'm highly affected and it manifests itself through the nervous energy that has me wired at 2:18 a.m. It's the same nervous energy that has led me to create two Facebook albums (well, one and designs on another as we speak), wash the mountain of dishes in my sink and clean my kitchen table (you haven't seen my kitchen table) after I just got back from watching Dark Knight in IMAX (sidenote, if you can, go do that. Heath Ledger is amazing).

So sometimes the nervous energy works to my advantage.

I've been pretty good at harvesting it thus far. It's why people consider me, I suppose, motivated and upwardly mobile. Because I use the energy most use to get mad to do something. It worked in school, where it just motivated me to study hard. Sometimes it had side effects. In college, in the midst of the Hampton hoopla, I developed a slight eye twitch during the most stressful time. It went away, but that tick showed me that maybe having all this energy pent up inside just to remain calm on the outside isn't worth it.

How quickly we forget the lessons of our youth.

I'm older now. Like to think I'm wiser. But I know that I'm not. I still hold that anger in a lot of times. Choosing to swallow it instead of giving someone a piece of my mind or bursting into an expletive laced tirade. So I'll keep quiet and go arrange a bookshelf in the middle of an argument. Or fold clothes. Or do my taxes.

Not very productive.

Sigh. I feel like I had a place to go with this, but alas, I'm slightly drugged up on that 'tussin for this nagging cough I've been trying to shake for the last week. At least the drugs let me go to sleep semi-cough free. Alright kiddies. Sorry if I wasted yo.ur time. But I had to do something to get rid of this nervous energy.

'Nite

I'm