Why my friends are SO much cooler than yours

I get paragraphs like this in e-mails from them:

"so, i waited to reply after reading your email last night because i wanted to say something meaningful and inspiring, but then i got all jacked up on a bag of hot tamales (the candy, not the mexican dish made of chopped meat, crushed peppers and a doughy outside layer) and then i passed out on the couch whilst coming down off the sugar high."

Tell me that doesn't just make your day. Tell me! You can't. Because you'd be lying.