A Season

I could feel myself snapping as I fervently typed the IM response, but I'd had enough.

A blast from my past at HU had popped up after standing me up during my Thanksgiving jaunt to New Jersey. After some small talk, he'd asked a question I never would have thought he'd ask in a million years: to fly up to Providence to spend spring break with me.

I was speechless. But not in the good way.

Me and said ex haven't had the best of relationships. We'd gotten over some serious issues that ended our relationship and managed to become friends in the year and a half since I graduated from HU (he's a senior there this year - yes, I was robbing the cradle). In that time, we'd had some great conversations, shared some laughs, and what have you.

So, when I found I'd be visiting New Jersey (his homestate) for Thanksgiving, I let him know, hoping we'd get a chance to see one another. Everything was set and then, as I drove the NJ turnpike, I started getting calls that eventually ended with him standing me up. I went on to visit Jarrod and said bump the whole thing because I was just tired of dealing with it all. That weekend I vowed not to call again.

I didn't hear from him again until today.

The IM started simple enough - small talk and updates on our lives. Then he asked about spring break. I had no clue what to say, so I just started saying what was on my mind.

The thought vomit went something like this: "so, you just want to come up to Providence to visit? I have to work, so you'd be stuck at home for most of the day. And I also don't want you to get the wrong idea that by coming to Providence, something is going to pop off. because it won't. If you want to come up and just kick it, with the full understanding that I have a job that can have me in the office late, and with the understanding that we are just friends and that there is not much in Providence to experience (though I'd show you around) and that if you stay through Sunday, you'd be in church with me, I would seriously consider letting you come. but I'd want to hear your thoughts, first."

silence.

Then, he sulks off, basically saying he'll be fine with just AIM conversations from now on. And that's when it hit me. Before, I would have been apologizing for being so upfront and for being so blunt and trying to cajole him. But sometime since I've been in Rhode Island, that old me was shaken off. I didn't want that chile coming up here thinking one thing when it was clearly going to be another. And really, I don't know if I wanted him in my house period because of the way he's been in the past.

So I didn't apologize. And I'm fine with that. Actually, I'm great with that. Because I didn't bend to fit what he expected me to do and I didn't compromise myself to accomodate him. The pain, the apprehension, the uncomfortableness, and having to stifle my feelings just wasn't worth having him visit. I know we would have had a great time, but that price was just too much to pay. So that's that.

It really is true that people are put in your lifes for reasons, seasons and lifetimes. My ex taught me a lot about life and love and I thank him for that. And we had a great friendship while it lasted. But, looking back on that IM conversation, it seems that season is over. And if it is, and if he stumbles across this blog, I wish him all the best in his future endeavors. But the season of me dealing with unnecessary drama and bull is over.